Every night…..


In your arms i sleep,

In your arms i have found peace,

I can’t sleep if i don’t feel you next to me,

Every night, like i have dreamt in times of solitude,

I rest in the embrace of my beloved.

 

Every night, i hear your voice,

See your face and your smile….

hear you talking, laughing….

Every night, like a dream you make me fall in love with you more…..

 

You are the sun… The moon.. The stars…

Every moment, Every night, you have touched my heart…

Buried yourself deep in it, made it your home…

Every night, every moment, my heart is yours #EZ

 

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Everything is beautiful


My dear, everything is beautiful when I think of you,

Your smile brings tenderness to my soul and brittleness to my bones,

For my soul knows not what to say at the softness of your tone,

My mouth runs dry and my heart stammers when you set your gaze ensnares me,

Look away from me my dear for you make me weak in my joints.

Your hair flows silently, streaming to its summit like a gentle river to a lake,

Your face looks like the valley of peace to which when I set my gaze I forget not to dream,

Your eyes cut my heart to pieces and leave me in a world of loveable misery,

For everything is beautiful when I think of you,

You carry yourself with the grace of a black stallion,

Mighty and majestic yet gentle and meek,

The gentleness of your heart leaves me bleeding from a gashing wound,

For even the most beautiful of women cannot cripple me with a look such as yours,

Crippler of my soul to which no lady can testify of such a feet,

Your thought torments my heart in every passing day for looking at you alone leaves me speechless,

A day without a word from you makes my day harder to go through,

I rejoice in waking to ask for good tidings for you in every passing day,

I rejoice in the thought f you for you have ravished my heart.

My gosh fair lady your thought torments me and leaves my bones aching,

Your persona is a feat of a lass worthy of the kings courts,

For you carry not yourself in pride and rush not yourself in words but you speak in silence,

You worry not yourself with many a thing and seek not the approval of man,

May time help me be a man worthy of such a lady,

May time help me be a man trusted to be the keeper of such beauty,

To guard and protect it, to cherish and gaze at it for as long as breath endures in me,

Everything is beautiful with you and if I were to perish with my eyes looking at you,

I would not regret any day that I lived in the knowledge of you

Picture


Darkness, it once surrounded me,
Unable to see my left hand from my right hand,
Afraid to trust in what I could not see, afraid to accept the freedom I once knew.
I am no coward, but even strong men have fears.
What could I do when I could not see? I ran, I hid, and I bled!
Like a wounded savage beast I bit and scared allies away.
My wounds, they healed over time but the scar remained,
The memory, the feeling remained. My courage had turned to whimpering,
My boldness to shame!

So tombs, I built and walls I made so I could keep the touch of strangers out.
I locked the tombs and chained myself behind the walls. I had failed to protect my smile,
What good was I? All I had were memories, the pictures of times past, and yet the emotional flood of
the rising tide overwhelmed me.

What could I do except hide, not accept what I was, try to become something else.
But I could not understand anything else except what I was … Doors over time got covered by webs,
Got covered by rust and the torment of decay that I no longer knew what was behind them.
How would I open them now?

In days like this a ray of light cut through the darkness, cutting through my chains and giving me peace I
had since forgotten. My voice returned; I could hear it echoing off the walls that had kept me away for so long.
I felt afraid, very afraid but I could not run. I remembered, I remembered what it was like to breath, to
be alive. I could see the gold glare in my eyes in the light, I could feel my bones and being writhing but I could not
accept what it asked.But I knew that the time had arrived, for the light had not arrived by luck, the stubbornness would fade
because peace would not allow me to continue in blindness.

The light kept getting brighter and brighter, I felt love and peace and I could not deny it anymore. I had
to take the keys and open the tombs. It was time to embrace what I once knew, grip uncertainty and hope the light would shine through
moments to which I found my strength again for in it I find the picture, I saw myself gleaming again, my
strength is all that is left now. Thank you for what you pulled out of me yesterday. Thank you for the promise.

Through my eyes


A ray of light cut through a lingering darkness,

I opened my eyes to see and I felt it touching my skin,

Around my fingers it wrapped itself as I tried to hold it,

I removed the rocks of my prison so I could see it,

where it came from and feel it all over my body.
Through the hole I crawled into a shining light,

long had I waited for this day,

My heart felt a pain, a joy that it never knew,

A hand had reached into my darkness and pulled me into the light,

A peace was all around me, losing my focus to a unfolding beauty around me,

a garden of splendorous green and vibrant life,

A prisoner I was no more, I could feel a quiet intensity in the air was breathing,

filling me and consuming me from the inside out.

The light shone in front me, embracing me in all places,

filling me through the air I breathed.

 

I felt the road rage of my blood as it raced to my skin to feel the light,

I reached into the light, stepping onto air and fell into its embrace.

I caught its gaze, and felt its hands around me;

its hair brushed my face and its eyes sending me into a

whirlpool of emotion as they looked into mine.

My heart wanted to leap out of my chest into the light,

but how was I to breath without it, I could feel it pacing and raging

for more, my pulse writhing with hypnotic rhythm.

 

Its eyes told a story, the story of purpose, love, peace and affection,

I touched its face and felt the progression of vision, I could not believe my eyes;

Could it be!!! I felt it embracing me all around me, coming in and out with my every breath,

no man could tell me that beauty does not exist!

I felt it in my prison, I saw it in the light, soft like velvet to the skin,

I touched its face and felt its hands, I felt it in my breath and I felt it in my blood.

Lost in that moment I am, not wanting to know anything more,

for the light cut through my shell, the light opened doors long closed,

cast its gaze into the dark places and said “let there be light”,

no one can tell me such beauty does not exist.

My heart calls to it in my sleep, sings to it in my distant slumber,

my mind thinks of it in each passing moment,

my blood races after the light, my eyes look into the future and it is all I see,

the light cutting through me and leaving me paralyzed, on my knees embracing it in each passing day.

Lest I grow old and breath escapes the light shall always be mine,

When I wake it will all I see, when I sleep it shall be all I dream,

for I touched my essence and marked me for life, I know its beauty,

it grows in each coming day and remains in each passing day.

No man can tell me such beauty does not exist, for I have see it,

I have felt it, I have heard its voice coming through my ears and into my heart,

I have felt its skin and see its purpose, its compassion, I have felt its love,

should I be a slave, then let me be for in it I know I am whole!

Through my eyes I saw the light, I saw beauty and through my eyes I shall never see again,

for it is all I see, and all I ever want to see.

Objective decision making


I remember sharing a moment with my lady today where we spoke about decision making. It takes a lot of time for some people to make a decision and it takes some people a very short space of time to make that same decision. Of course one could argue that fast decision making is tantamount to spontaneous behavior which i cannot dispute but at times in the rarest of cases you may meet people who can make decisions objectively.

What am i talking about? I have discovered through my few years on this planet that objective decision making has been based on these principles for me:

  1. What are the known end results that could possibly come out of this decision?
  2. What are the known unknowns that could possibly be a result as well?
  3. For the people involved in the decision and result, what do they gain or lose from it?
  4. For me what do i gain or lose from the decision?
  5. What is its impact on my lifestyle, beliefs and dispositions in life?

I have found most importantly that for me to sleep better the people involved have to gain more than i do because the one thing i require more than anything in life is more emotional and mental than it is physical and materialistic. My friends would probably tell you that they have gained more financially, emotionally, mentally, spiritually or otherwise than i ever asked of them. The one thing i do not compromise on is my belief and disposition because it is what keeps me sane and within bounds of my character. All reasons may be good but if it takes away from my character a belief that is dear to me you may find a straight no coming without hesitation.

Objective decision making is not about ignoring emotions, but embracing them, acknowledging they are there and looking at them objectively on what they bring and what they take. If you cannot look at all factors that contribute to a decision process objectively in their entirety, without bias, you can’t make an objective decision. Slow decision making could possibly make you lose things that cannot wait for the progression of time and though certain decisions require some time when suited, one must always be able to make a decision and stick to it.

while i was away


I know you probably think i don’t blog anymore, i don’t blame you! But i was away focusing on a part of my life that requires a lot more effort from me than anything else in my life.

I have seen in my life that i am very intelligent, smart but the human aspect bewilders me a bit. I was focusing on getting something right. Sorry i have been so quiet. But now that you should know i have been investing time in a lady, there was so much to learn, discuss, go through and there still is 🙂 I can’t mention her name or put her picture because she has not given me permission to do so, sorry Shirley!

I was always almost certain that i would never find a lady who can understand me without me writing a book about myself first. It had always been a problem for me, I met a lot of ladies who had no absolute clue how to relate to me and they threw me off when they did awkward things out of lack of knowledge. But she quite unexpectedly managed to get me point blank. She seems to understand all the patterns in my life from the root they come from to the tip and she relates with the good and bad parts of me without bumping her head on her rock.

She respects my boundaries and difficulties in how i interact with her, quite amazed there! we are all insomniacs though i think she is worse than me at times. Has the most perfect eyes! She reminds me of Christmas morning every time i see her. What I like about her is that there is nothing to hide, she is as open as they come. Her problems, fears and doubts she clearly plots them out and her underline sincerity means that both me and her have no reason to hide anything from each other! I have told her some of my darkest secrets, those not even known by my mother and i am very close to her. What we share in common is almost scary as we have almost identical childhood experiences and disturbances! Ever experienced that feeling when you talk to someone and they can take the words out of your mouth because they know them all to well or have experienced what you experienced. ❤

Its been a journey and i am very happy to say i met her because my life is changing and she is becoming more and more defined in her role in both our lives. I have not forgotten you guys, lets just say i am in a new world with someone special