Reflecting back on 2014

2014 has been a year where much has transpired, both good and bad. Looking at my original position at the beginning of the year; much of what transpired came as a surprise if not all. Some of the greater lessons i learnt over the year came from the human seat of dishonesty and selfishness.  Some also came from human compassion, loyalty and sacrifice that is not called for.

I got pressured and broken so much this year i walked a fine line between losing it all and breaking the threshold and gaining more. Much about how i had structured myself as an individual both emotionally and mentally presented such roadblocks to transcending my character. I had lived under such a cloud that i had never seen how much my assumed strengths were in actual fact strong faults. It took the selfishness and deceit of a cherished person to rip out my sense of security and leave me out for dead. But instead of dying i found will to live, to become better and to evolve past the treachery. The bad of 2014 which ended up the good of 2014 for in it lied such great opportunities for character correction.

Trial after trial battered me to the point of realisation and I chose to rewire myself instead of breaking down. Its not easy to accept that at the core one is broken and at my age rewriting years of history, character and habits seemed unreasonable but one thing I had now acquired was an overwhelming sense of will. I had to do it, i had to become better. I had to evolve and I did. I have now tapped into my raw energy not hindered by perks of character, a problem i had dragged around for a decade due to mental and emotional defences i could no longer dismantle. The good of 2014 assuredly. Losing a dear trusted and cherished friend was the bad of 2014, having been friends for 6 years and now he is not around anymore. Words can never express my gratitude to this man, what he sacrificed for me and what he birthed in me. The bad of 2014 but memories cry live on and prosper.

I found friends in people who I had never imagined to be friends, or i had never given the chance. They chose to sacrifice their time and effort to stand by me in a transformation that pushed me on the boundaries of insanity. Not always being able to handle me, they faithfully held on to me so that I had a beacon to look at no matter how dark my transformation became. For that I am eternally thankful because it reminds me that not everyone is maniacal and selfish. I will never forget your sacrifice for me, touching glowing red embers and not letting go, my loyalty you have for life. I chose not to hate or become condescending after my trials, for many people by nature are broken, untrustworthy and selfish, rather I am thankful i now developed the eyes to see past the web of deceit instead of hating and carrying a burden over years which would be of no benefit.

2015, greeted with hope, warm hands and optimism. I am ready to go above what I have been to shine in ways i have never imagined.