Thought in a dream to conscious transition


If you are not willing to sacrifice for a complete stranger, a person  you will probably never see again, if you are afraid of what people will say about you, if you do not think they are worth your time then remember the day you chose you were more important in the eyes of God than your brother to whom you are accountable.

Hand that gives


I am currently showing our Gardner how to use a computer. He has never seen or used a computer in his life. I showed him, his rural home from Google maps. If i could give the man a better perspective on the world,perhaps he could build a better future for his children.

 

The hand that gives must also teach to give for if it doesn’t, it has not done any good in giving. #Russell Mazonde

Confidence in all things


Be confident in all things, but not in your self confidence for how can you be confident in your failing human nature? But have confidence in the Lord our God for he above all things orders your steps and knows your every thought and every word before it proceeds from your mouth.

 

Thank you Lord for your word today and thank you for the peace you give me, in my friends, in my family, in my job and in all things that i endeavor to be for in you i find all peace and comfort as you are the peak of my confidence. Continuously teach me to trust you in all things Lord no so that i may boast but so that my being may always find refuge in your shelter. #Russell

 

Lord I thank you for all my friends who will get time to read this and those that will not get time to read this. I pray that you may bless them in this day and give them wealth in mind and in soul so that all may be well with them and they may find great satisfaction in the truth of your ways. Let all anxiety not get near them and let peace which surpasses all things comfort them in this day. Give them good health Lord as we are all healed by your stripes. Let all pain and all discomfort depart from their bodies as you wash them clean with the blood of the lamb that washes whiter than snow. Fill their thoughts with words of wisdom and knowledge so that your word and ways may not be far away from all they do. Let your love be with them today so that they may love their brothers as you love them. Thank you for hearing me in this day as i know i never speak blankly when i come before the throne of grace. #Russell

remember people


I just had an encounter with a homeless person. Tears were the heavy part. I wont get into the details because i gave him a lot of what was personal to me, including gifts from my friends i will never get anything close to again.

Remember people, remember those whose lives where something once but because life happened their lives became nothing.

Remember them because like you their life was once something, but a day came when everything sank to the ground and they found themselves lower than the soil beneath their feat.

Remember them because to love God is to love one another and not look away in shame or disgust. Remember them for God probably hears their cries faster than he hears your requests, remember them for you are your brothers keeper. Good night guys

Disease called Competition


I was just having a conversation with my mom today. Just reflecting on this thing that is common in a lot of our relatives. There seems to be an intense need to compete about everything. Many a situation i have had relatives visit me at the office or at home and they seem to know a lot about my life than i actually ever do tell anyone. Of course i do portray the “i am a clueless idiot” face quite well to most of my relatives to hide how much i do read into their actions.

It is always apparent that there is always someone related to me by blood jabbering something about me. I always wonder why don’t you sit me down and ask me? It is child-play for me to read into your tone and facial expression and discover you talk about my life a lot yet you do not have the gusts to be involved or to ask me yourself. A lot of my relatives like competing about everything including going toilet. Like horses on a derby we are lined up in age groups to see who performs best in each age group. I am no horse and its this recurring behavior which has forced my family to go into seclusion more and more. My friends think i am crazy when i tell them that to visit any house where me, my parents or siblings stay toy have to call 3 days in advance and answer 3 simple questions:

  1. How long do you intend to visit? It cannot be longer than 3 days.
  2. Are you bringing your own food?
  3. How many people are accompanying you? They cannot be more than 3 if you stay more than a afternoon.

Sounds ridiculous, it is meant to be that way. My friends thought i was not hospitable until i reminded them that when they visit when they please and that i never put any restriction like i do on relatives. One thing i have seen about friends is that if you find the right ones they go more than a relative would ever. They would never judge or compete with you but run along side you to get to a place. I have found a few of those in my life and i am glad to say that relatives cannot compare to them. what drags us down in life is not inability but the need to be better than other people instead of working with them.

I have concluded that i will never be better than most people i meet in my life. Sherline has a better looking blog than mine, Autumn and Gabby always have more fun than i do, PJ is more consistent than i am, Terra know a bit more than i do on health stuff, the list can go on but i embrace that these people and more out there mean something to me and instead of trying to outclass them, why not follow them and learn from them so that maybe one day i could also do what they do and be a better person. Friends don’t burn bridges

IBS


Its been quite a battle and its something i have to fight everyday of my life. Quite reminded of PoeticJourney, we all get parts of our journey that are similar to others. As i got older i developed irritable bowl syndrome. Its not curable for starters!

It has almost destroyed my day to day life in the last 3 weeks had i not just endured through the horrific pain with a smile. Irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) is a disorder that leads to abdominal pain and cramping, changes in bowel movements, and other symptoms. The intestine is connected to the brain. Signals go back and forth between the bowel and brain. These signals affect bowel function and symptoms. The nerves can become more active during stress, causing the intestines to be more sensitive and squeeze (contract) more. At times it gets so bad i cannot stand up, the pain is just crippling. I remember one time i was at work and IBS started causing cramps and stomach pains. I could not stand up and my workmate had to hire a taxi for me to go home. The last 3 weeks have been hell, just wish i would sleep and not feel this pain. Doctors aren’t helping really. As it cannot be cured they seem not to be concerned about looking for treatments to reduce symptoms. Dieticians seem to know that this problem spans decades and they aren’t making it any cheaper to get help. Sigh ****

Its moments in the day where i come from smiling to gripping my stomach as if something is growing inside me. I cant have a regular life where i go out with friends and eat hot dogs, or eat anything just for the sake of eating, who knows what that stuff has. I am even having issues with red meat, caffeine, eggs, broccoli,  fizzy drinks, you name it! Am i going the vegetarian route? At times i wonder how can i even hope of marrying if i have this thing that can cause me to ruin a day at moments notice. One night i was woken up by this crazy pain in my office and i tried to get out of my bed but i fell out because i could not stand. I crawled out of my room, i didn’t know where i was going, but i wanted to go far away from the pain. for about 5 minutes i was just crawling in the dark until the pain started going away. I sat in the lounge for the rest of the night.

Looking at the internet, stuff i can do to reduce symptoms, so much to learn and research before stuff gets better. I have to do it and through all of it the pain will be a reminder of what really is underlying the craziness.

Last Sunday i went to church, i pick up 4 guys (attonbitus included) to go to church. I didn’t want to go that day because i was sick as a dog. But just like any other day, i walked out of the house and got on with my day. Got to church and i had ask to be excused from serving but since most of my team mates where away i had to help. Got the worst shouting i have seen at church for setting up certain venues late. Of course i look quite normal when you are looking at me but you do not know the amount of pain i am hiding as i am carrying those crates and cables. Its easy to judge a sickness you cannot see and deem it nothing. I understand now PoeticJourney, really do!