I have come a mighty long way Gary. Gone are the days of my childhood and teenage life. I have started to enjoy my youth now. I do not see my father with the same eyes I used to back then. I can’t hate him. All I can do is show him what he didn’t show me and hope that he too can change. He finally confessed one day that “he knows he was not there for us when we were children and he is trying to make up for it.” I have changed and the situation around me has changed. I now smile sometimes but I no longer have hate in me. Disturbia is gone and all that came with it died that day. I have called my new life “Victorious” after the person who gave me a new life, God “my victorious.” It takes one step from you to make God move ninety nine steps towards you. If change is possible for a person like me then truly there is a God out there. Let me paint a picture for you on my way out. It’s something I wrote. I called it “Sunlight”.
Clouds race above me, going to where no eye can see,
Some are as dark as the night ahead,
Some smile with the tenderness of angels,
So beautiful they seem!
Yet so evil at heart!
They cover that, which I seek,
The desire of my heart,
My personal dictators; standing in the path of my happiness.
Oh cursed clouds, have you not tormented me enough?
Have you not seen the tears in my eyes?
Have you not felt the frost that covers my life?
Are you so blind that you cannot see?
I have been dead to myself and alive to you.
You cloud of loneliness, open yourself and give me what is rightfully mine.
Depart from me; leave me to bask in the light of warm affection.
Leave me in the shadow of my destiny.
Can you not see that the love of my life shines brightly for me?
I have waited so long for his warm embrace.
My heart has searched but has not felt warmth like his.
His Midas touch!
His touch, gentle like the palm of a woman.
His warmth, soothing like the caress of velvet on the skin.
The softness of his words, comforting as a mothers touch.
The firmness of his muscles, my macho man!
His beauty, my valiant prince!
All that I need he has in abundance.
He is all that I need.
I do not grieve when he sets in the west because I know,
He will rise in the east with his bright smile.
Accursed cloud, my life was too dark until that day,
Set yourself aside my Egyptian plague,
There is no room for you now.
Sunlight has come to meet me.
He waits for me and he will never let me go.
Gary, my past tried to creep up on me and consume me but I had tasted freedom and happiness and I wasn’t going to let it go. I saw everyone differently, I looked not at their flaws but at whom they are. I now have friends, I now have friends Gary! Love lives in me now. I now love my father despite our past. I go everywhere he goes. On holidays you will always find us sleeping on the banks of a lake while we are fishing. That’s one sport he can never beat me in no matter how many fish he bribes. He saved me one time when a crocodile almost bit my head off while we were on a fishing trip. He chased it away, hitting it with his fishing rod, while I was in shock. My hero, my daddy! I will never forget that day. Sunlight came into my life and darkness departed. I do not blame him for what he did, it’s the same way he was raised but I am glad he changed when the time came and that we mended the dents of the past before they could harm all of us in the future. I miss my siblings; I still haven’t seen any of them since they left. Though I miss them, one day I will see them and it will be back to square one, pillaging mommy and daddy for candy. Love conquers all sin. Change is possible, it just depends how badly you want it. Bye bye Gary.