What a certain Linkin Park song says is so true, “Fear is not afraid of you”. I didn’t know what to feel anymore! The feeling of hurt felt so minuscule as compared to the feeling of betrayal but all were not as great as my fear for what was coming. I didn’t want to spend the entire night moping in my apartment. I had to get out and do something. Drink, party, have sex, I didn’t know if anything could give me peace at that moment. Peace is not like a thought that when perceived it can bring forth a moment of enlightenment that seems to solve all problems, it is supposed to be an inherent part of one’s being that brings rest in times of unease. Peace brings no enlightenment; it only brings ease of soul and lightens the load on one’s chaotic mind. Who was I to be a philosopher anyway! Peace this, peace that! I was far from knowing what peace was in my own definition. I was just a little girl in a monstrous world just trying to deal with the fact of being a priced side of beef at the local meat market. I was sold for crying out loud! For what, a few pieces of silver. Who would have thought that Judas had an offspring so far into the future? I left my apartment and only one place was ringing bells in my mind, Joe’s house. I didn’t know how he would react but I had to start somewhere or else I would honestly just jump off the roof. I didn’t want to see Joe but I didn’t have anyone else to be with. ‘Prisoner of circumstance’ was soon to become my middle name! I walked to Joe’s house and soon enough I was there. I peeped through the window but I didn’t see anyone inside and knocking only left me more irritated. Funny enough Lee for Ashlee was walking on the other side of the street. She called out to me and I turned to face her. She crossed the road and I walked to meet her. She looked like a girl on a mission and I thought to myself, “Well, at least one of us has something to do.” “Hey, Joe isn’t around, I think he went to see his aunt or something. Yah! Anyway, I am going a few blocks down the road to see a friend of mine. He has something I seriously need and I can’t wait until tomorrow to get it. Come along, it will be fun!” I tagged along and soon enough we started talking about Joe. I could see that Ashlee liked him too, all she could yap about was how good looking he was and how she felt around him. I somewhat got the sense that she was marking territory. If she were a lion then I am sure by now I would have smelt the marking by now. I avoided saying anything about Joe other than covertly answering questions. I liked Joe, in fact, I wanted him badly. I felt weird when I was around him. All these warm lustrous feelings would come to be and all I would think about was when I could tear the clothes off his back.
We got to this street, “Drummond Avenue” and turned into it and soon enough stood before the door of a derelict looking house. Ashlee knocked and before long someone opened the door. It was a young looking guy who seemed well at home in there. “Hey Jamey, how’re you doing? This is my friend Rose. Have you got what I want, I got the cash right now?” Never blame a girl for being a dumb arse at times because purely she won’t know what in carnation is going on. “Coming right back, Ash!” The young man went back in and came back quickly enough. “You know what, come in and chill a bit!” Ashlee pushed open the door and rushed in and I saw no need to be cautious so I budged in as well. Ashlee rushed to the kitchen and started doing something. I was still overwhelmed with the entire place so I didn’t pay particular attention to her. The house looked like a house in the middle of a war zone. I was surprised it was still standing because it looked like it was going to cave in at any second. “Rose, come here and try something.” I walked to the kitchen and when I walked in, Ashlee was taking up a white powder using a glass pipe straight into her nose. “Try it, its fun!” I didn’t want to seem dumb so I didn’t object. I knew she was taking cocaine and I knew that cocaine was a very dangerous drug but thinking about all I was experiencing, cocaine looked like a valiant saviour. I knew close to nothing about the effects of drugs at that time, well, outside of hospital drugs that is. I was never exposed to such a reality so to me it never clicked that I was on my way to becoming an addict. I approached Ashley and took the pipe from her and in a split second, sniffed up cocaine into my nose. It didn’t take seconds for it to kick in. I immediately I started feeling weird. Once the drug entered my blood stream I started feeling invincible, like nothing could touch me. I felt good and I smiled. Ash was already in the zone and she felt like music. She went into the lounge and pumped up the radio. I was feeling awesome, pumped up like a double barrelled pump action shotgun. Music was flowing through the house and the moment felt so unreal, so godlike. I felt like a god, untouchable and unstoppable! The Columbian grown nectar of the gods, my dream of a powerful sensation! My heart was racing though and it felt weird but I guess that was part and parcel of the good feeling. I went over to Ash and we started dancing. Why, I really don’t know, I guess it went with the moment. Jamey went into the kitchen and brought out a bottle of Jack Daniels whiskey. He put it on the table, “Now you girls play nice, I am going out for a bit.” He left the house and I remember Ash taking the first sip. A sip turned into a gulp and then the bottle was passed to me and I took in as much as I could. That was a very dangerous concoction, and soon enough it’s effects kicked in. I really felt on top of the world and powerful. Ash grabbed my collar and pulled me to her and in a split second kissed me. I didn’t hesitate, I kissed her back and the moment turned from craziness to inter-dimensional insanity. We fell to the couch, kissing and groping and partaking in all forms of things I had never imagined possible. The door opened and Jamey walked in and stood in the lounge. “I leave the house for ten seconds and you girls are already playing nasty! Finish your Columbian cocktail in the kitchen and get outta here, my girlfriend will be here soon and I am not planning on being descent!” I got up and pulled Ash up and both of us raced to the kitchen like a bunch of crazed puppies rushing to a dish full of delectable treats. In a split second we had taken in more cocaine. I started really feeling like I was totally invincible. Jamey kicked us out and we started walking going to God knows where but I think we were heading in the general direction of home. Ashlee was singing while bumping into trash cans on the pavement. I was singing along in bits as I was still drinking what was left of the whiskey. We saw a bench and went to sit on it singing as loud as we could and that was the last thing I remember doing. I didn’t remember anything after that! I woke up later to find myself in my apartment, tucked in my bed with Ashlee sleeping next to me. My head was pounding when I woke up, like the hypnotic tune of African drums. I didn’t know if the alcohol was the cause or the shear intensity or Ashlee’s snoring! It was as if a monster truck was backfiring from here to Baghdad! I got out of bed and struggled to find balance on my feet, all the time the question ringing in my head was “how did I get here?!” I balanced myself by holding on to the wall and anything that I could use as I headed into the lounge. I came into the lounge trying to get a bearing on the time of day but got the shock of my life! Someone was sitting on the couch and seemed asleep. I walked slowly and grabbed an umbrella that was next to the door. I tiptoed close to him and raised it so that I could unleash the pounding of his life onto him. I lifted the umbrella and targeted the back of his head and as I was about to strike him he spoke, “I wouldn’t do that if I were you, a headache won’t be your only problem by the time I am through with you. You will be walking sideways for the rest of your life.” It was Corey! I put the umbrella down and went around the other side of the couch and sat next to him. “What are you doing here; don’t you have a life other than bugging me and always being a pest? If my boyfriend sees you here he will kill you!” Corey smirked and turned to look at me in the eyes, “I didn’t know he was your boyfriend, I guess I should update my notes though I know they are correct! You just opened a page of your life that you will wish you had never opened. Your choice, back off now or be changed forever! You are making a mistake; don’t go where you want to go. Cocaine will kill you! Ashlee will be waking up soon! The ball is in your court, I won’t be there next time to lift both of you up when you pass out on the bench along a quiet street.” Just like that Corey got up and left. I didn’t have the time for words, or I can say he never gave me the chance. Ashlee came into the lounge then and walked straight into the kitchen. I could tell she was hungry. She ate raw cereal as if there was no milk; I guess common sense is not so common at times! With a mouth full of cereal, she said, “Wait, where am I? How did I get here?!” She looked so idiotic asking that but I could tell she was being for real. In the back of my mind, something was tickling me. I had to go back for more!