Crawling Moments: Chapter 7(Unseen Shadow)


Time passed while I was sitting by the door. I couldn’t move! Shock is such a good friend in the midsts of such turmoil and unbelievable atrocity. How could I do such a thing? I was the daughter of a pastor; I knew better that to defile myself and another person through sexual deeds. Danny was dead and it was my fault, why couldn’t I control my actions? Why am I a slave to this beast inside me? It comes out when it pleases and hurts people around me. How can it be so strong and so ruthless? If God could see this then why me? Why curse me to such a lingering darkness, that it should consume my soul until eternity’s end. Would mommy and daddy be proud of me now? Such a monster had I become. Never would they have imagined that I would be such a person. My mom would not look at me; I have disappointed them both. I had to come clean, maybe someone could help me. Maybe the police and doctors could see the truth behind my confession and help me atone for my sins. I stood up and went into the bathroom to look at myself. My eyes were baggy and I didn’t look at all beautiful either. I was now a monster in my own eyes. A tear raced down my left cheek, I couldn’t understand who I was anymore. I went into my bedroom and tried to put on some make up to cover up for my ugliness. I chose to wear a cap and sun glasses to avoid being recognized. I got out of the apartment and followed an unfamiliar route downstairs. I soon found myself standing outside and looking for the direction of the police station. It was just after 8 o’clock now so there was activity everywhere. The police station had to be at least five blocks down the street. That’s the direction the police cars came from earlier so that was as good a starting point as any. I started walking as fast as I could and soon enough the police station came into sight. While I was crossing a street to get onto the fourth block, I passed a boy! He looked to be in his late teens, black dense hair and dark skin. He had a confident and stern face and he was clad in black. He walked passed me slowly and never turned to look back. I stopped and turned to look at him. My heart was racing and it was as if I had just seen a ghost or something supernatural. He kept on walking and soon disappeared at the corner. I raced to the corner to look for him but when I got there he was nowhere to be seen. I was confused, thoroughly vexed and uneasy. “Where is he, where did he go? Damn it!” My predator friend was talking now and I was listening. Who was he that he or she or whatever that predator was, would be so afraid and vexed by him? He looked quite normal to me, not all cute but nothing spectacular from the stable in which men come from. I am not implying that men are donkeys and horses! If you are a woman you will get what I am saying! My predator friend went back into hiding and I was back into control. I turned to continue with my journey and not soon enough for me! All this commotion had scared me into thinking I was on the line for round two. I got to the main entrance of the police station and bumped into the detective who I had spoken to earlier. Jonathan didn’t look all that bad when he wasn’t on the job; it’s just that the police face took away most of his gorgeous looks! A coffee cup and doughnut in hand; gosh, those two things must be an oath of service they take so that bakeries remain sustainable through the millennia.

“Morning detective, can I have a word with you with respect to the incident you came to see me about this morning? Can you also get a doctor to be with you when we talk? I doubt you will believe my story. Oh one more thing detective, if the doctor can carry a portable X-ray machine, it will be an added advantage to you!” Jonathan looked surprised and puzzled, but he took me into one of the interrogation rooms and left. Half an hour later he returned with a doctor and the X-ray machine. They both sat in front of me with a bit of enthusiasm and curiosity splattered all over their faces. The doctor spoke first, “Morning Miss Miles, I am sure you want to hear how Daniel died. Preliminary tests show that he died from severe poisoning. He had five small bite marks on his swollen penis and from the looks of things that’s where the poison entered. The toxin is rare and is only found in highly venomous snakes which are not indigenous to this country. From the looks of things, it looked like he could feel it destroying him inside and that explains why he was acting the way he was just before he died. They are still cutting him up to see if anything more can be revealed but it looks like he had an altercation with a snake. What doesn’t make sense though is how he ended up being bitten in his genitals of all places. There were traces of semen all over him highlighting that he might have had sexual intercourse a number of times before he died. That’s just about it so if you have anything to add to make our case simpler then please, shoot.” I was shaken and scared by what the doctor had told me. I breathed deeply a bit and tried to find a comfortable position to sit. Jonathan was now curious as to why I was there and looked like he would have arrested me for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. “Doctor, something happened to me last night. I have been having a series of nightmares where I go to this chaos dimension where a certain man does things to me. Last night he inserted two snakes into me. One would prevent me from having children while the other would kill anyone who had sex with me. Last night at around midnight I left the apartment and went out. That’s when I bumped into Danny. I forced myself onto him and went back to his apartment. I rapped him five times and then left to go into my apartment. Moments later that’s when he started going crazy before he called you. I asked for an x-ray machine so that you could see for yourself what has been done to me.” The gentleman looked to be on the verge of laughter but what held them back was the point about the snakes. The doctor whispered into the detective’s ear and then the officer stood up and locked the door. “Miss Miles, please lie on the table and let’s use the machine to see your friends. I hope you know that if what you say is true, you will be charged with culpable homicide.” I complied and lay on the table on my back. The doctor asked me to pull up my shirt of which I did so so as to reveal my belly. He switched on the machine and punched a few buttons. He then waved one end of the machine over me a couple of times. A picture came out on the screen of the other end that he was holding. The machine took a still picture of that and then the doctor walked away to the officer. They deliberated for a few seconds without letting anything out. I got off the table and sat on the chair trying to imagine life in jail. The gentleman came back and sat on the table with me. The doctor turned the screen so that it could face me. “Now Miss, you see this picture, it tells me that inside you there are no foreign organisms or snakes even. Those are your intestines right there, so if that’s the snake you are talking about then please know that all of us have them and they are very handy in our day to day living. There is your liver, your uterus, and so on. As you can see, there is no snake or there are no snakes inside you. Don’t even suggest we open you up because I guarantee you that there is nothing inside you.” Jonathan looked disappointed and unmoved, “Miss Miles, I understand that you feel guilty for not being able to help Daniel. But your story is wild and baseless. Please don’t waste our time if you have nothing credible to say. We could charge you with obstruction of Justice if you persist with your crazy stories. Now if you will follow me, I will show you out.” I was stunned and shocked. I was telling the truth for once and no one would believe me. “Detective, if you don’t believe me then have sex with me right now and see if you won’t die. I am telling you the truth. He has bruises because I beat him up and manhandled him. I rapped him damn it, believe me!” The detective was offended and came to where I was sitting, “Miss, if you have a night occupation that you want to turn into a day occupation, I am sure we can arrest you on grounds of public indecency. Its best you leave before I find a reason other than murder and pissing of a detective to arrest you. Your story is baseless so let’s leave it there. No man or woman can have snakes inside of them and live. Now please ma’am, leave now before you cause a scene you will regret.” I felt so defeated I stood up and ran out of the police station in tears. I ran a few blocks towards home and then stopped to get some breath.

Jonah’s voice came into my head “Don’t worry Jun, if you go to see a doctor, he or she won’t find anything in your physical body but trust me, you are now mine and you shall know fear and endless death.” He had said that earlier, I had forgotten. I felt so stupid and idiotic. I had just made an idiot of myself and now no one would believe anything I say. I sat on the pavement in tears and disbelief. I was so consumed in the moment that I never saw the boy from earlier walking towards me. When I finally saw him, he was a few steps, walking so calmly and he just had this look on him that forced his presence onto me. He approached me and knelt next to me. “Good morning Juniper Rose Miles. What a night wasn’t it? Funny that no one believes your story. Ignorant policeman wasn’t he? Take this and wipe you tears.” He handed me a white handkerchief and then he sat next to me. I was afraid for him since that thing could erupt at any time. “Don’t worry Juniper, your friend can’t hurt me. He would have come out a long time ago if he could.” He spoke so calmly and his voice, felt authoritarian in a sense. I wiped my tears and tried to look at him. I saw nothing special on him; he just looked like a teen with issues from the ghetto. “How do you know me, whoever you are? Why are you stalking me? Do you like me or something? If you do, leave me alone. I will kill you.” He laughed but his face showed he couldn’t smile, “Gees, you are so weird. You can’t hurt me but if I want I can hurt you. But that’s not why I am here. This is the time of reckoning, the season of great change! Be brave for what you shall see will turn you inside out. Such a weakling you are but to win is to find strength in places you never knew. I cannot help you, this path you must walk alone. I must go now, I will be watching you and my eyes see deeper than yours. Your friends will be hungry soon. Take care!” he stood up and started walking back in the direction he came. I kind of figured it was pointless to chase after him so I remained sitting. He disappeared at the corner and I took it as my cue to go home. I stood up and walked home. People noticed the new girl in the street and some of the guys were chanting catch phrases and speaking confidently as if they knew how to hunt the hunter. I rushed up stairs and locked myself in my little apartment. I made a boy’s breakfast (toast, eggs and OJ) and ate as best as I could. Dishes had accumulated so I had to take care of those. I picked up the satchel which I had left on the floor and went to sit on the couch. I debated what to do first, watch a movie or play a game. I popped in a movie and it was these weather chasers chasing tornadoes and stuff. Weird people they are, you would never catch me within 500 miles of such a freak of nature. I let it play and took the Playstation portable out. It was fully charged and it had a game inside. I wasn’t much of a game but it was better than watching Betty, Tom and their son Timmy chasing after a tornado. The game inside was called Jax 2. The guy could turn purple and super powerful. I felt so alike to him; at least he wasn’t killing people in an awkward way.

***

While the game was loading it froze, I thought it was all part and parcel of the game but on the screen I saw Danny’s scared face. I dropped the PSP and tried to get away from it. A few seconds later, I opened my door to look next door. There was yellow tape across Danny’s door. The crime scene boys had left and I guess there was nothing more to say in there. The door was locked tight so I couldn’t get in. I went back into my apartment and sat on the couch, I picked up the PSP and the game was now working. I started playing but I wasn’t winning. I kept on being beaten up and I soon grew tired. I switched it off and tossed it aside. I tried to pay attention to the movie but gosh it was boring. Hollywood is always making happy ever after stories and it has somewhat become stale. Such a bore and waste of honest law abiding citizens, time and money! I have never been much of a television fanatic. Outside of my cosy bedroom, I never had someone really to care about except my dad. Where were the people who called themselves my friends? Belana , Jefferson, Tommy; where were all those guys? “Through everything, together guys!” that’s all they always used to say but I needed them now and none of them were near where I was. Was friendship a lie, a convenient relationship of portraying assumed emotions to achieve a status of being socially acceptable? Was it all just a game? Like a used piece of contraception, I felt. Stretched and wasted, thrown away so that the harsh elements of the earth could grind me to dirt. Where were my friends, why do I have to take counsel from a stranger when I had friends? Why was everyone abandoning me? Why did daddy leave me without saying goodbye? Did he hate me that much?! Did he deem it necessary to forsake me to such a wrath? Where was the justice of the God he spoke about? At most, he was myth to thought, a disposition meant to bring assumed comfort. How could he be this strong being when he was leaving me to burn? No matter where I looked, all that seemed to justify my situation was that no one loved me, and no one cared. I went into my room and looked for my diary. I found it in between my clothes. I came back to the living room and sat down so that I could write. I opened the page “March 16” and tried to write. Tears rolled down my cheeks and stained the paper. I wrote “To a God who doesn’t care, know that you killed me!”  I tore the page out in a fit of anger and nothingness and crushed it in my hand. I stood and approached the window overlooking the outside pavement. I opened the window and threw the paper out. I closed the window and went back to sit down. I hated how I felt; I was so unreal unto my own thoughts. My birthday was only 9 days away and here I was all alone!

I tried to hold back the tears but I felt so defeated, so violated. I always wanted to stay a virgin until I got married. I never wanted to lose my virginity in the way I did. I killed a person and no one would believe me. “Poor Danny, please forgive me!” echoed the words in my head as I muttered them. What was happening? What warranted this to happen to me? Hour after hour went past as I was lost in endless realms of thoughts and regrets. Soon enough it was 4 o’clock in the afternoon. There was so much activity outside yet I never heard it, I was shut off. All alone! At about midday earlier I heard the sound of a church bell nearby. I decided to dress up and look for the church. Maybe if I confessed my sins I would find peace. I got out of the apartment clothed in black with a cap, glasses and leather gloves on. I walked out of the building towards where I had heard the sound. Soon enough I saw the bell towering above all the other buildings. I walked fast to avoid being noticed and soon enough I was in front of the church. I walked into the church and it was a Roman Catholic Church. I approached the altar and fell to my knees and broke into tears. I couldn’t believe what I was. A man who I assumed to be the Father at the church approached me calmly and knelt next to me. “Weep not child, it will be ok.” He did not know who or what I was and I looked at him with the intention of scaring him away. “Sir, please can I have some time alone? Stay away from me, I am dangerous. Please stay away!” the man looked unmoved but he did move away to give me some time. I spent about three hours in front of that alter, crying and speaking of the rottenness inside of me. It was now dark outside and I decided enough was enough; it was time to go home! I stood up and walked out of the church. Activity was dying down. Mostly men were on the street and little kids were playing here and there. I never knew there were so many people who struggled to live. They looked like they earned enough to barely get by. So many of them, just so many! Police patrolled the streets in intervals of minutes and I guess it was the only thing that kept the peace. A boy who was playing soccer with his other buddies failed to stop a pass to him. The ball rolled in my direction and I stopped it. I bent down to pick it up and met the boy who had already run to get it. I looked him in his eyes; he had a sparkling innocent look in his eyes. “Can I have my ball, please”, I picked it up and handed it to him. He didn’t leave immediately; he kept on looking at me and all that he could see since I was hiding behind my cap and glasses. “Thank you, bye!” he ran back to his friends who were getting anxious to continue their game.

The innocence of that little boy reminded me of what I once was. I couldn’t breakdown and start crying a river on the street. I stood up and kept on walking home but tears were already rolling down my cheeks. I came to the last corner when I met a gang of men who were smoking and talking about something. They looked at me and started chanting catch phrases and all sorts of weird statements to get my attention. I kept on walking but one of them had the audacity to follow me and keep on trying to woo me. I soon grew tired of his pitiful attempts and stopped to face him. He thought he had won since he got me to stop and started admiring every aspect of my body. Word after word of pathetic excuses for catch phrases were gravitating around me. “I can be your baby daddy any day girl!” I got disgusted by that statement and decided to take matters into my own hands, or foot at least! I kicked him as hard as I could in the genitals! He screeched like a bat and fell to his knees. I pushed him to the ground back first and stepped on his genitals. I had the intention of causing painful enjoyment since he was looking for that. He was such a cry baby for such a tough guy. “Please stop, please!” I liked the feeling of crushing a man’s pride. I increased the pressure and then took my foot off. His friends were having a gas and I figured it was time to continue with my journey. It was a free movie for them and I guess the only thing missing was pop corn; they already had enough the booze! I got home and got up to my apartment. I ran to one of the windows that overlooked the pavement outside as soon as I got home. I could see the men from there and my admirer, so to speak, who was now trying to walk back but I figured the pain must have been excruciating. I didn’t need my split personality to deal with that one, it was just all me!

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