Not too long ago i wrote a book, didn’t publish but its called Crawling moments. I just thought of it now and i am remembering some of the finer statements in the book like:
Everything was so blurry, as if the wispy nature of cirrus clouds had somewhat become the primordial soup governing my existence because it now felt as if my life had truly begun. Seventeen years of age, lying on a hospital bed, daddy is dead from a self imposed gunshot wound and mommy died from breast cancer. For a moment I thought I was in a dream that I could wake up from and run into the fresh embrace of mommy and daddy but as true as the depths of the eternity of death by damnation, I now was alone and beginning to see the gaping holes left by the cataclysmic events of the chaos dimension.
Its crazy what happens in my head at times 🙂
But i loved the emotion in this part
The driver switched off the car engine and turned to look at Ashlee, “Take the time you need and send my regards!” Ashlee smiled at the taxi driver and opened the door. She stretched out her hand to me and I followed after her. We walked into the cemetery and I was lost in a sense of endless confusion. “Ashlee, what are we doing here?” she was walking in front of me and she turned to look at me as she walked. She put a finger across her mouth, “shhhh” and I could see tears trickling down her cheeks. Her pace slowed and slowed until she was literarily dragging her feet to move on. She knelt down and screeches, moans accompanied by tears proceeded from her. I bent over and hugged her without a clue about why she was crying. She composed herself and stood up as she continued to walk to the middle of the cemetery. She stopped in front of one grave and looked at the tombstone as bravely as she could. I came up next to her and looked at the tombstone. “In memory of Kimberly Rosenberg; Born 12 August 1971, Died 14 June 2000. May your soul Rest In Peace!” Ashlee started crying even more and she didn’t try to hide it this time. “Hello mom!” I was suddenly stunned with shock as I remembered the story of how her mother passed away. I ran out of words and could not wrap my mind around what was happening. She looked at me and pointed to the grave, “this is my mom.” I didn’t have the words to respond. I simply nodded and I could see that she knew that I was overcome by the event. She put her hand into her pocket and pulled out a silver locket. She opened it and inside was a picture of her mother holding her. She broke into great tears and moans of pain that I almost cried with her in that moment. She closed the locket after she had regained her composure and walked over to the tombstone and put it at its bottom. She walked back to me and stood next to me. “I know I haven’t come to see you since the day I put up the tombstone, ten years ago. Words can’t express how sorry I am; how much I miss you mom, or how much I miss you playing with my hair or walking with me from school, or how we would bake scorns every Wednesday and I would make a huge mess in the kitchen. Words can’t ever get rid of all the times you cried when father hit you, everything is just stuck in my head. I know now that you are in a better place and that he can’t hurt you anymore. Mom, it’s been hard, I have done things you would not be proud off and I wanted to say I am sorry for letting you down. This is Juniper, she is my sister! A kind man took both of us in and is staying with us like his daughters. I am trying to change mom, I want to make you proud and I will. I wish you didn’t have to leave when you did but Aunt Gretchen tried her best but things where just crazy and hard. Cedric drove me here and he says hello! Things are better now mom, things are better! I will come and see you every month. Rest easy mom, the worst is now almost over. I love you like a blooming rose and I miss you like water in a dry winter. You said that to me every day when I left the house. I love you mom, rest now!” Ashlee wiped away her tears and stood with me at the grave for well over 30 minutes without saying a word. She looked at me, “Do you want to say anything to her. My mother is your mother!” I looked at the tombstone and breathed in to gain some courage. “Hello mom, its Juniper. I wish we had met while you could see how beautiful and courageous your eldest daughter is now. But I guess you have seen her in every passing day. Ash is someone I look forward to seeing every morning, afternoon and evening. I am sorry you didn’t have the chance to see her now but I thank you for giving people like me a sister like her. Words cannot really bring any peace unless a comforter walks amongst us in our time of pain and I pray that such a comforter will walk with us over our lives. Rest easy mom, we are ok!” Ashlee hugged me and looked me in the eyes, “Thank you for coming with me.” Ashlee waved at the grave and began to walk away and I followed after her feeling a sense of heaviness weighing on me. We got back into the taxi and the taxi driver was half asleep. He looked over at Ashlee with a serious face, “go home or continue with the journey.” Ashlee looked at him and nodded her head, “continue on!” the taxi came to life again and started rolling down the streets heading westward out of town. We cruised for a while until a sign came up on the roadside, “Belmont Maximum Security Prison.” The taxi driver turned left after the sign and drove a few more miles and soon enough we were at the gates for the prison. We went through two checkpoints until we had to get out of the car and walk. The driver remained in the car of course but Ashlee and I were escorted into the prison. We were taken to the warden’s office who rushed us into his office. “Take a seat ladies. Ah yes, Ms. Rosenberg you are here to see your father, Mr Kyle Rosenberg. Now surrounding your father, he is not allowed visitors but since you are his last surviving relative from what I hear you have been granted access to him. He hasn’t had a visitor in the last ten years so I am sure he would be thrilled to see you however you have to be guarded at all times. These two boys will see to it that you are kept safe. Ashlee nodded her head in agreement and thanked the warden for understanding. I never thought she would ever have the courage to face her father after all that had happened. The man who singlehandedly destroyed her life was waiting to see her! We stood up and followed the two guards to a secluded room in the prison. Ashlee held my hand again but this time it was so cold as if she had forgotten to take herself out of the fridge before her expiry date passed. One of the guards opened the door and the inside of the room came into view. There was a table in the middle of the spacious room. A man was sitting on a chair with his handcuffed hands resting on the table while his legs were attached to chains fixed to the ground. A guard stood next to him with a button stick in hand and another hand on his gun ready to pull it out at any instant. Ashlee paused at the door when she saw the man in chains. She was breathing heavily and the hairs of her body were standing to the tip. She walked forward slowly and I walked with her pace after pace. We approached the table and the man looked up at both of us. He was rugged, long bearded with sharp blue eyes and the ugliest dental hygiene record I had ever seen. He tried to stand up but the guard next to him held his shoulders and pushed him back into the chair. We sat down at the table and the two guards stood immediately behind us. The man could not look Ashlee in the eyes; he did his best to avoid eye contact. Ashlee put her hand into her pocket and pulled out a huge stack of what looked to be letters. He put them on the table and pushed them to the man, “I never found time to reply them so you can have them back. Reply them yourself if you have the strength to.” The man reached for the letters and pulled them towards himself. “Ashlee, I am sorry for what I did. I never meant to kill her or hurt her. I know you will never believe me no matter what I say. If this place will give you the peace you deserve then I shall stay here till I die. All I ask of you is for you to forgive me for what I did to you and your mother.” Ashlee clinched her fists and I knew she was roaring with destructive emotions. I reached over and held her hand and I felt her calm down. She looked at her father, “You ask me to forgive you! What of mom, will you ask her too? You had no right to take her life; she wasn’t yours alone, she was my mother! I went through hell after you killed her. How dare you ask for forgiveness for your soul? What of mine, the pain you caused! Ever wondered how much I suffered because of your actions? How dare you father, how dare you fall to the same selfishness that made you kill mother? How dare you sit there and ask me to forgive you, what have you done other than write empty letters asking for the same thing? You deserve to burn father, you deserve to burn for what you did!” I tightened my grip on Ashlee’s hands and she gasped for air a bit as tears trickled down her cheeks. “The things she said in her last moments still haunt me even today. Do you still hear her voice as you hit her?” Ashlee had come here to meet her greatest pain, her father and she must have been thinking about this for a very long time. She was shivering with anger, pain and all sorts of raw emotions. I looked at her father and tears were rolling down his cheeks! Ashlee saw it too and remained quiet! After a few minutes she reached into her pocket yet again and pulled out a photo of her mother and pushed it towards her father. Her father picked up the picture and was overwhelmed by emotion. He sobbed for a moment before Ashlee’s words dragged his attention to her. “Forgiveness father! You ask of me what is hard to give. Maybe with time I can forgive but I can’t forget. Maybe with time things can be different but for now enjoy your time in here. Maybe by the time you get out you will be a better man. Don’t call me or write to me, if I want to see you I will find you. With those words said, Ashlee stood up and I followed her as we made our way to the door. We were led through the prison corridors until we were outside.
Hmmm, maybe i should just put the book for you guys to read in your spare time 🙂