Finding Corey: Chapter 1(Crumbling)

Fear, the realization that comes when one feels alone, deserted, haunted, stalked by a shadow craved with blood lust. No hand can rub enough to keep you warm, thought can for a moment bring liberation but all that is reality is to be in fear. Even strong men know fear but their strength comes from mastering their fear and making it an opportunity. For me, my fear became a daunting page for it touched too close to a burning coal. A voice that danced in my head from side to side, making my mind stumble like it was led by the steps of a drunken man. Over and over images raced in my head. I didn’t know! How could I have known for in all of it I was never told?

A vibrating noise broke my concentration, it was a message! I picked up my cell phone and it read, “I just got this news, Belana is gone.” My mind sought silence for a moment of thought. She had done this before, left the country without telling me and we had a talk about it, surely she wouldn’t have done it again. “Gone where” I responded thinking Adrian was just sparking a conversation, making an issue out of mere child’s play. Again a vibration broke my mind from pondering, “She is dead.” My mind went into frenzied thought, processing every emotion, every image, every word, every secret. Seeking answers, seeking justification, seeking cause, seeking in a wild sense for all of it to be a joke! I called Adrian back and my voice broke from a cold silence into a voice with moments of stammer, “What do you mean she is dead?” Adrian breathed in for he had to choose the right words; after all I am not one you tell words not properly thought through. “I just got a call, she passed away this morning.” Like a hive of honey bees on the harvest, my mind went through all the things that had Belana in them, from the first day we met, what she wore on the day, to twenty days before Christmas which was the last time I had spoken to her. “Who told you this Adrian?” Adrian paused, “Greg told me, he says there is crying from her house and that’s the news he heard.” I hung up the phone, truth could only be told by my ears. Not wanting to let my mind drive itself into madness, I set out for her house. After half an hour I was at the corner of her road and then I heard it. The voice carried by the wind, the pain of a lost child! It was her mother, she was crying. Chills flooded into my spine, crushing all sense of comfort, any thought of deniability, any sense of trying to see that there was humor behind this. I walked slowly towards her house and more cries joined the flow of the air towards me. I reached her house and then I heard it all, the cries were horrid. Shattering me inside like a broken glass falling and fading away in the procession of time. I got to her gate and her little brother came to meet me. “Is it true, is she gone?” He could not bring himself to say it and then I knew it was true. I sat on the flower bed with no words, just raging emotions and frenzied thoughts. “She fell sick overnight and she was taken to the hospital and that’s where she died.” He couldn’t say much, too broken by a reality slowly materializing around him. Greg came about from his house and sat next to me holding his head in disbelief. I redialed Adrian, “It is true, she is gone.” I hung up with no more words to say. I could not go into the house and face her mother; my mind could not bear it. Cell phones started ringing asking if indeed it was true. Bobo, Belana’s little brother as we called him could not bear the weight of taking the calls so he passed the cell phones to me. Moment after moment, I disintegrated inside, having to tell every caller “Yes Belana is dead”!

Finally a call came in I could not avoid. It was on my phone, caller ID was Liandra. I answered the phone and she burst into a barrage of questions. I remained quiet until she got to the question she wanted to ask. “Corey, is it true, is Belana dead?” I took time to respond, I didn’t want to say it but in the end my lips opened, “Yes, she has passed away”. A dark vale began covering my heart for then my greatest fear had presented itself and even I lacked strength.


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